Poor Mojo Newswire

Firstly, as happens each 50 issues, I have randomly selected a new Poor Mojo's Bonanza Winner This year's $100 Bonanza goes to the fine and lucky poet Kenneth Slaathaug for his "A Buried Mine." Congratulations gird the planet and do settle upon good Herr Slaathaug!

But, one does not attain the heady heights of 300 issues of fine fiction, poesy and rantings with just the help of poets and pornographers. Without YOU, my much and best belovéd readership, there would be no purpose to the endeavor. From our meager beginnings as a Territorial Chinese Fortune writing concern in the early twentieth century to our current Glory as Literary Paragon and Weblog Trend-Tsunami, it is YOU, Dear Readers, who have buoyed us up with the luscious embrace of your eyes and attentions. As such, it is for you we have several rewards:

First and foremost, I now publicly reveal THREE NEW OFFERINGS ELECTRONÍQUE from the Poor Mojo's Labs:

First, as many of you are already aware, I have as-of-late coerced the creation of a weeklyish video broadcast--the charming tales of Mr. Hugs the Anonymous--to be served to you. Please do continue to enjoy these as best you can. He is trying very hard.

Secondly, I have painstakingly crafted two new weblogs, Poor Mojo's CuteLove 100% and Poor Mojo's Two Minute Hate. The first, dedicated to all things fluffcious and delightful is captained by our own Longo of Poor Mojo's Newswire fame, and guarantees to de-leaden your heart and brighten your most cloud-veiled of days. The latter, the Two Minute Hate, is piloted by our sturdiest of tillermen, dear Alan It is a place of vitriol and smashing hilarity, the electro-internetual equivalent of biting upon the tin-foil. Go there, and feel the full brunt of the world's loathsomeness and wallow in the Decadence of Schadenfreude. Embrace the darkside, and grow strong with its Power!

Finally, I have prepared for you special Gift Packages of Actual Physical Objects. These contain many objets d'secret, of both a literary, music(k)al and artistic nature. Contact us at editors@poormojo.org with your postal address, and we shall mail one unto you--FREE OF CHARGE!--provided your local laws permit the postal transport of such items as we wish to gift unto you.

And, lively and beloved Writers Fair, fear not that you have been neglected in this Autumnal Xmas. As an added bonus to you, the generous donors of the lexical lifeblood of our hulking, misshapen literary golem, I offer a new writerly contest:

*MOJO'S SELECT*

Write for us a rant, and in your note about the piece, indicate that it is a *MOJO'S SELECT ENTRANT*. If we do enjoy the rant and choose to publish it, you will receive a selection of graphical comic books hand-picked by our own Mojo--in addition to accruing free beers or a t-shirt, and risking to win the Bonanza at some future date.

Rants which meet our stringent standards and are also about comics will receive a DOUBLE RATION OF COMIC BOOKS!

Rants which meet our standards, are about sexual intercourse and include photographic pictures, illustrative diagrams, or explanatory ASCII art will receive TRIPLE COMICS!!!

It is truly a "deal too good to pass up!" Submit early, submit often, submit NOW!

Again, from the depths of my triple-hearts, I thank you, my many Steadfast Readers and Writers, for providing the fuel to our fires these long years. History teaches us that it was six years before Arthur Canon Doyle's painfully pedantic detective, Mr. Sure-Lock your Homes, became known to and beloved by the hearts of all Englanders. This is our sixth year completed, and our seventh year begun, Mojoketeers and Mojitos. Let us go then, together, and truly show England and Her Greatest Detective who truly is the boss!

Let us bring the literary boilers of idyl curiosity to full-steam, and power ahead into INFAMY in this Coming Year! Onward! Outward! FURTHER!

I Remain,
Your Giant Squid
Editor-in-Chief
PMjA